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November 19 growing painsPurple means balance. Escaping from the reality, studying overseas, staying in the tower of ivory, all of these are ways that I search for out of the real world. At last, I realized I cannot get out of here at all. Even I've got a family I dreamed of, there is still challenge to make all of my dream come true and risk of geting hurt. Love and warmth does not serve as the fortress and barrier from the hard and cruel reality. Friends in a society is just staffer and bootlicking.The boss, looking forward to having date with pretty women. So, what's the matter of that? Friends are still friends, there is no need to agree with all of the staff they are doing or admire them for their quality, but there still will be some geys that share the friendship with me. What is friendship? Maybe it has nothing to do with appriecation and admiration. Just in dairy life, they will help you and spend all the weekend with you, casually.
Staying in a distance, the allurement of a relationship with the one who she has loved seemed dessert to a little girl. Actually, love and the relationship is a sort of risk and haphazard. What is true love? What is the one you love most?
November 14 I would like to say"I am sorry."Being jealous of the close relationship between she and her boyfriend, I was out of my mind to say all the words I did not mean to. There must be some day that we will get apart, physically and psychologically. However, she is still the most important person in my life, and the memory settles here and cannot be scratched.
Birthday or any festival serve as just a chance to have fun and make glee with the person standing by. I am sorry to be so unreasonable, my dear sister. November 13 Love him then hold himThe weather is getting cold and cold., and the bed seemed warm, so Brazil Grill is not so tasteful as I thought, while the fruit there is wonderful. It is the last time I would do that.
Even draff in the diary becomes Bible. November 12 first mailHaving Spent the whole weekend with best friend, sitting together in KFC to do some work, it seemed a sort of stolen happiness. So, years later, Maybe I am across the Pacific Ocean or she will have been married to some one. A friend has said we would not be so close as now at that time, for we will have grown up to realize the more practical and earthy thing, such as the family, marriage, parents, kids and career, even the price of food and the classmates of children. I retailed this to her, then she said "wet smack!" and pouted, "how can he judge the relationship between us?" I knew she is right, and that's why I like her.
Things in the future are unexpected, and we, as it is us, are more difficult to foretold. We two did some much uncommon thing, and we are two freaks, so we will just do what we wanna, even we grow up.
A mail to USA costs me 140 Yuan, drives me a little blue. So much~~~
In this age, no matter which country you are in, if you want to do some thing significant to yourself and different from other people, you must struggle to get your way out of this systematic and interlaced society. Thank god, you have the chance to consider the outter space and the melioration of life. Adoration, Attachment, Appreciation, Amor, in this year, what will I fall in?
Someone is waning out of my idea, that's the result of a two-day happiness. If I was surrounded by the ones I love, no one is important enough for me to be concerned about. November 08 ApplicationYesterday, the packet of paper application has been done,and I touched the EMS to get the information of the fee of mail. My personal statement, recommandation letters and the certification finally got there way. All the hardness vanished not because of the happiness of success, but the toughness in the way forward across the Pacific Ocean. There is even no time to cry about the helplessness and perplexity. So, am I happy? Yes, distorsed and chuffed.
A little gossip: the third part of "少年包青天" which Deng Chao starring in may be the best one of the three. Perhaps he has a sort of quality that attracts me as a man and a boy. Good-looking is not the key. Basically, I like him.
November 01 up to the heaven, down to the earth It's hard to realize the truth of life itself and admit that the world is as ugly as the movie and novel describe. Furthermore, it is not so simple and obvious for normal person to understand, hate or love. What is worse, the actors here are more ugly and plain than any of the figure in the fiction.
What is a pity that I enjoy the beautiful and graceful thing! Once I heart a song sang "all the beauty must die", I loved it but I thought the screwy pursuit for perfection causes a non-perfect and deviation of beauty. However, the reality is more distorted than any abnormal.
I knew there is no one innocent in the adult world, and I can see the indecent aspect of a decent "gentlman". But seeing the lewd behavior of him is another story. So what? Be angry? Fight for the justice? No need and no use. No one should make choice for others , no matter whether it is fair or vile.
The good aspect of life is there is still someone I care for and care me. LIMBOSOUL wrote the article about "anarexia" and scared me, I was so anxious and then touch her immedietely. I was fond of the tougue of her writing and the words she used. From GRE, yes, that's it.
"TEDIOUS", my god, have anyony who have none of business with GRE used this word? What a good luck that I still have some friends, we share so much in common and there is even no need to talk to each other. She said she wanna catch up with me, but I think what she has written is gorgeous and sort of funny, I mean better than this "offical tone" which I cannot get rid of.
The regular date at "Big Pizza" and the talking, made me feel I was just a teenage girl and having fun with my best friends. Actually, at that moment, I thought there must be some way to get out of the world psychologically.
Finally I've got the courage to say goodbye to a friend. The people surrounding me are considerate, sweet and reasonable, in a relationship who care for the communication first, and then the feelings and mood of their own. They won't mention the "true,soul story" of them as the whole plot of the soap opera, narrate the whole thing in "I" and take friends and all the people in their lives as supporting roles. There is one, at last, I realized. Not cute enough, even not smart, so why? Just let it go, maybe.
PS: Wish libo good luck and happiness in New Zealand. All the memories concerning you and high school is happy and everlasting.
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