从实验室里gorgerous, heart-taking的Islamic美女Dowser说起。九月一号起，Ramadan就开始了，她整整一个月sunrise和sunset之间都不能喝水吃东西。对于non-religion，这多少有些unreasonable, 于是实验室里开始了各种关于宗教的讨论和询问，一个关于美国的好处就是，在这里你可以问任何人任何问题。但是我今天要说的不是Islam, 是believe，是principle。

 

毒牛奶，好像已经是旧闻了，而我的沉默只是一种深深的悲伤而已。用鲁迅先生的话讲，已经出离愤怒。今天，大为终于耐不住好奇心，询问起这件事。老实讲，我没有很了解具体的情况，我也没有去留意。忙是一方面，更重要的是，了解更多只会让我更不知所措，feeling remorse and even pathetic. 但这样的故事总是相似的，只是悲剧发生在不同的地方不同的时间而已。不知道几年前阜阳的大头婴儿事件是否已经淡出了人们的记忆，中华民族得以生存到今天，经历如此多的苦难与艰险，还是可以平静的发展大概就是因为习惯于遗忘那些不愉快吧。I ignore the horrible, crucial tragedies, erase the bad memory all the time, how should I blame anyone for that. 和Peter前天聊起这件事，他发过来一个评论，完全是嘲讽的方式来表达true emotion。大概我还是很多时候把很多问题看得太serious，我只能用无趣的方式来说明我的看法了。

 

是的，无处不在的奸商，官商勾结，监管不力，惩罚不重，没有民间的supervising系统…这个list可以go on and on and on, 可是这一切丑陋而实际的现实问题下面有着更深的reason. Too many people, too little natural resource and unbalanced economics. Young people are leaving the remote villages for big cities for better lives, leaving the old behind to raise the babies, educate the children. Sometimes, there seems a lot of choice, but actually, there is none at all. 如果我们有更多的资源，更方便的无处不在的可以接受的生活方式，怎么会有人愿意违背良心做事？为了更好的生活，只好不择手段的赚钱，以便离开不发达的isolated的 middle of nowhere. 还有很多很多潜在的原因和潜在的race character。我写下这些，不是为了做错事的人开脱，只是，我知道，这样的问题不是简单的改变食品监管系统，惩罚一群人就可以解决的，潜在的问题依然存在，为了钱，还是会有前赴后继的人做各种各样埋没conscience的事。我不想拿马克思的资本论说事，说利润30%怎样，300%怎样。我只是悲伤，悲伤我知道这样的事还会发生再发生，悲伤我什么也做不了，什么也改变不了… 这时，我忽然觉得，religion是很美好的东西，如果可以只是每年白天不吃不喝一个月就可以换来没有这样的悲剧再发生，我想很多人都会选择去做的。就如Dowser所说，no fasting for nothing, it is for something you believe, for a better world. Religion is about conscience, about good-will and principle, not praying seven times a day, not big donation to build a temple, not precious icons.  I hope, one day the common conscience of ordinary people will come back to our culture, to our country, to our race, as it usually did.

 

Maybe because of the rain, maybe the sad discussion, I felt sad the first time since I’ve got DC. Most of the time, I am happy, really in a good mode, even I was caught making a huge, humiliating and stupid mistake in the experiment, I would smile and laugh at myself ; but when it comes to the internal misery of human, it was like that I was thrown to the bottom of the ravine – drown by the languish. 无意间提起了高中同学WX, amazingly talented as a mathematician. Life has never had something to do with the genius or fabulous aspect in your brain or heard, it is just about what you have in your hands, and it has noting to do with fairness. Perhaps, bad memories never passed by, they just hide, ambush for a proper time to evoke all the critical and cynic view upon the world. Walking along the K street to subway station, suddenly I realized I was, am and will always be an outsider in everywhere, which is not bad at all here – there are so many subculture groups and everyone here considers him or herself as an independent individual. However, to see this world in this way, sometimes makes me wonder whether I am kind of alien or something. Many friends thought I chose the wrong major – biochemistry. But I know, I know clearly why I love it, because it proffers me a perfect chance to look through the non-sense, illogical, erratic mystery of human being, and maybe give me a lead someday to release or at least decrease some suffering of human being. Still, I am one of the species, so how could I be one hundred percent objective and rational to all the stuff? 

 

Today, Dr. Ramesh dropped by to check out how our experiment going and we were discussing one of her cases in the hospital. (She is a cardiologist in GWU hospital and cooperating with our lab to integrate her research about cell regeneration in heart-implant) Her patient is an alcohol-addict. When she was saved by the emergency room in the morning the other day; she was still unconscious due to the alcohol. She could not even remember when to take her medicine everyday. She is OD and has a boy friend who is an alcoholist, too. Totally mess, the exactly kind that you cannot even imagine until you meet one.  Dr. Ramesh is really nice and I knew what she was talking about. 也许是因为菜菜的原因，我了解那种医生看到非同寻常的病人的感觉。Kate said, sometimes, you need intentionally keep a distance from your patients to be totally objective and calm, that’s why they are ought to make cracks about the patients. To see them in an indifferent way and never get the emotion involved.

 

I believe in evolution, believe everyone can be a better person if he or she wishes. But sometimes the reality is just not going in that way. Probably, there is not always choice and no perfect life for anyone. My way to solve this problem, is going back home, watching Gossip Girls. All the good-looking people there make me ultimately happy with this world. , at least, I have a way to escape.

Today, my lab had a gas leakage in the gas pipe during the break of my Genomes class in the second floor in Ross Hall. The alarm was ringing for like an hour and all the students, professors and officers in the building were spreading away from the building 100 feet away and the college policemen prevent people passing the square in front the building. It was the first time I saw so many people in the same time here. When we knew it was from my lab, one of my classmates said ' So cool'. Kind of funny.
The left part of the class had to be canceled.  Then I headed to Ballston in northern Virginia to attend the MIT Enterprise Forum. (My landlord, Dennis graduated from MIT) He wanted to help me to get a job, and his friend Robbie is the president of an organization called Women in Bio, so Dennis thought it would be really a great opportunity to meet her there. 我出地铁站的时候，看起来Ballston和Bethesda（我住的地方）感觉很不同。 这里有点儿像北京上海的好一点的小区。Of course, it provided free dinner and people there are pretty much rich, MIT graduated.有几个中国人，但是没有黑人和拉丁人，一看就是个exclusive whites' club. Small Business Investment Resource就是给这些有钱人高科技新技术风险投资项目的介绍，因为听众都是算懂点技术的，所以还是谈的很深的。今晚三个新技术的介绍都很有趣很有价值，不过我觉得最感兴趣的是一个缓释药剂体内释放device, 如果有一天能不需要surgery，就perfect了。终于明白为什么美国市场上有很多发展如此之快科技含量很高的，那么方便，amazing的东西，因为这样一个完整的系统把知识技术变成市场产品和资金。在那个forum的隔壁，Democratic Party在举办活动，支持Obama! 然后我认识了Anjon, he is very nice ! I hope Obama will win, because I BELIEVE we can make some difference in the cold, crude reality.

多么有趣的一天，呵呵

第一二周负责生化的是Dr. Vanderhoek， 很老派的教授讲pH, 糖和脂，在黑板上写写画画，讲公式讲例题。大学那会儿在有机化学里讲过这部分，结构复杂而且统统don't make sense, 分类什么的都是模模糊糊。现在换成用英语讲什么fisher投影式，啊！ 还好我还是有记得一些... 最近才发现，原来台湾大学的教材都是用英文的，所以他们都没有术语的障碍哎，看文献查资料的时候也比较方便些。大为同学开始的时候就很奇怪，为什么我讲chromesome还要人提醒。后来知道大陆大学用中文教课考试后，终于明白了。 说回Dr. Vanderhoek, 他很会讲课啊，复杂的东西都变得简单有趣些了，而且讲的很多外围的东西两本教科书上都没有，而我知道他讲的东西，是因为，那些内容都在 北大王镜教授那套恐怖的生化书上。老派的学者们啊，都是这样无所不知的，现在说什么生化专家，至多就是protein DNA RNA microarray...

Genomes的课都是请人来讲专题的。上周的是一个专门做DNA sequencing的专家。第一次看到人类基因组测序的办公室照片，很强大啊。 这周的最有趣，Dr. Kashanchi一边讲HIV怎么影响转录一边cough, 害得我心惊胆颤的回家赶快吃药防治传染。 据说其实他是个科学狂人，妻子生孩子的时候，他在外面等，还要让人打印文献给他看。上课的时候也能清晰地感受到他对这些东西的热情与特别看法，很有insight。 科学本来就应该是这样的吧，做多少实验有多少成果并不能说明是一个科学家，对科学的热情和独特、系统的观点才最重要最crucial。

丢人的事时时发生，最近我做实验发生的特别多... 我做PCR换了一个公司的试剂，由于我一向没有阅读说明的习惯，就按照从前的protocol来做，做了三次，没有结果...最后终于，Dr. Fu 发现问题所在，我焕然大悟，原来那个buffer里面magnisiem和dNTPs都是有的...所以说，科学技术进步也是有问题的，对于我这种经验主义者...(高中尊敬的化学老师，刘晓妮老师的评语)。好吧，从此我小心做事，谨小慎微。

PS：中秋和Zhiyi在我家做甜品吃饭聊天，很开心。不是一个人，而且有吃到她朋友的朋友从国内带来的陈皮月饼（在国内的时候都不吃）。呵呵。今晚去印度大使馆看舞蹈演出，想起从前牛跳的印度舞，哈哈。 周六晚上和钱在电话里回忆大学时光，拒绝上晚自习在宿舍里点蜡烛弹琴唱歌，她说好怀念那种状态。而对我，那好像还是昨天的事，我好像还是那种状态，盲目乐观，哈哈，不知道会保持多久啊。

恩，觉得应该写点儿什么，但是又实在没什么好写...上课如果中文上，那简直就是太简单了，遗憾的是，那些什么酸啊，什么碱啊，质子啊，我都不能一下反应出英文名字来，不过周五做了一些英文题，很有成就感... 实验室一切正常，没什么特别，用新订的引物做PCR, bands 太浅，下周继续摸条件。下周还要和心脏科的专家做合作项目，我观摩提 heart muscle tissue的 total RNA，下面的就是我主要做，希望可以顺利做到基因芯片... 千万好运气啊，还要把别人建的癌细胞体系慢慢试着接过来... 不知道怎么表达我的想法了...

周五晚上，感谢Sangko, 遗憾的是她不懂中文...拉着我去MSSC的party, 虽然几乎所有的Organization 都是为undergraduate准备的，不过我还是很开心，免费食物和hip-hop dance。之后Sangko很惊讶我居然没有去过图书馆，为了帮我扫盲，她指导我借书，居然找到那本The Eighth Day of Creation, 很开心，多谢她了，呵呵。(她也是摩羯座啊)

This weekend there is a hurricane hitting the norther east coast of Atlantic Ocean and Bill invited me to check out his yacht at a deck in Annapolis. I have survived the hurricane. The sloop swung up and down along with the waves during the daytime of Saturday, it was like a cradle.The rain and wind blew the deck, but it is not so severe. Actually, the people who stayed over to take care of  their boats said : Come on, give me a break, this is not a storm ! During the intermittence of  the hurricane, there were wild ducks swimming between the boats at the deck for recess, and I have taken the pictures ! As soon as I could figure out how to get the pictures out of my PDA, I will post them here.

对于这个PDA，我有使用权所有权，没有买卖权，因为它是一个donation。2001年的Sony Clie, 很老的机器了，但是很好看。感谢Jason 帮我装了软件和词典package, 虽然这款机器很怪，我的laptop又没有memory stick的插孔，我实在搞不定它。不过，慢慢来，我还要争取坐地铁时在上面看科幻小说呢，我的最爱啊...

好像很多没有逻辑的东西啊，不管了，呵呵，总之希望下周有很多的有趣事发生，拿到paid job的空缺, 呵呵。期待下周中秋节和Zhiyi（又一个摩羯...）一起出去玩。大家祝我好运... 提前祝朋友们，中秋人月两团圆